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charlie sheen sent a text message to e! news, where he said that people should stop caring about him and focus on the situation in egypt. which is weird because the egyptians said people should stop worrying about them and get charlie sheen some help. that's what they did. [ laughter ] you guys, we have ricky martin on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i love ricky martin. man, i haven't seen him since our days in menudo. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers ] thank you. >> audience member: go jimmy! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's another guy from menudo. [ laughter ] when you reach a certain age, they throw us out. congratulations to my man craig ferguson, who just had a baby boy named liam. hey! [ cheers and applause ] that's great, isn't it? so if you're watching right now, liam, i just want to say, what's your favorite "late night" show. huh? [ laughter ] who is your favorite "late night" show host? huh? who is it? it's me. it's jimmy. [ light laughter ] seriously though, congratulations, craig. that's awesome. [ cheers and
charlie sheen sent a text message to e! news, where he said that people should stop caring about him and focus on the situation in egypt. which is weird because the egyptians said people should stop worrying about them and get charlie sheen some help. that's what they did. [ laughter ] you guys, we have ricky martin on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i love ricky martin. man, i haven't seen him since our days in menudo. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers ] thank you. >> audience member:...
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Feb 26, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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this charlie sheen stuff is getting insane. i mean, in an open letter, charlie asked his fans to walk with him as they march up the steps of justice. or more accurately, stagger with him as they stumble up the steps of a house that kind of looks like his. [ light laughter ] get this you guys. a 10,000 square foot medical marijuana store will open tomorrow in california. it's being -- [ cheers and applause ] isn't that wild? it's been called a wal-mart for stoners. [ laughter ] really? wal-mart sells doritos, parakeets, and kiddie pools. i'm pretty sure wal-mart is the wal-mart for stoners. [ laughter ] what more do you need? >> steve: and funions. >> jimmy: that's right, a mega store for marijuana. it's the only store where the managers are like -- "attention shoppers -- -- does anyone remember what i was going to say? [ laughter ] never mind." [ light laughter ] this is nice. a woman here in new york celebrated her 105th birthday this week by gambling at a casino. yeah. it's a little different than the way she usually gambles
this charlie sheen stuff is getting insane. i mean, in an open letter, charlie asked his fans to walk with him as they march up the steps of justice. or more accurately, stagger with him as they stumble up the steps of a house that kind of looks like his. [ light laughter ] get this you guys. a 10,000 square foot medical marijuana store will open tomorrow in california. it's being -- [ cheers and applause ] isn't that wild? it's been called a wal-mart for stoners. [ laughter ] really? wal-mart...
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Feb 24, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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charlie sheen called into a radio show today, and said he has never been drunk or high on the set of his show. well, that makes one of us. [ laughter ] in the interview, charlie sheen did say that he's been so hung-over on the set of "two and a half men" that he had to lean on props to keep from falling over. [ light laughter ] in response one of the props said i'm the kid who stars in the show with you. so, i'm not just a prop. later in the interview, charlie sheen said that lindsay lohan should work on her impulse control. whoa. that's -- that's like the pot calling the kettle to buy pot. it's really -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is big. watson, the ibm computer, beat his two human opponents by a long shot in "jeopardy," yesterday. he's already getting a little famous. in fact, today, he was offered a million dollars to pose nude for "popular mechanics." [ laughter ] oh, man. that's right. watson the computer beat his human opponents on "jeopardy." the humans were like -- well, either way, i still love this game. and watson was like -- i still don't know what love is
charlie sheen called into a radio show today, and said he has never been drunk or high on the set of his show. well, that makes one of us. [ laughter ] in the interview, charlie sheen did say that he's been so hung-over on the set of "two and a half men" that he had to lean on props to keep from falling over. [ light laughter ] in response one of the props said i'm the kid who stars in the show with you. so, i'm not just a prop. later in the interview, charlie sheen said that lindsay...
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Feb 17, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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later in the interview, charlie sheen said that lindsay lohan should work on her impulse control. whoa. that's -- that's like the pot calling the kettle to buy pot. it's really -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is big. watson, the ibm computer, beat his two human opponents by a long shot in "jeopardy," yesterday. he's already getting a little famous. in fact, today, he was offered a million dollars to pose nude for "popular mechanics." [ laughter ] oh, man. that's right. watson the computer beat his human opponents on "jeopardy." the humans were like -- well, either way, i still love this game. and watson was like -- i still don't know what love is. [ laughter ] listen to this. arkansas congressmen steve womak has proposed getting rid of funding for president obama's teleprompter. oh, man. when obama finds out, he's going to be speechless. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] no more fist pumping. check this out, guys. a new study found that married couples who go on double dates with other couples are more likely to have better relationships. yeah. the
later in the interview, charlie sheen said that lindsay lohan should work on her impulse control. whoa. that's -- that's like the pot calling the kettle to buy pot. it's really -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is big. watson, the ibm computer, beat his two human opponents by a long shot in "jeopardy," yesterday. he's already getting a little famous. in fact, today, he was offered a million dollars to pose nude for "popular mechanics." [ laughter ] oh, man. that's...
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Feb 19, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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we're in the middle of a game." [ laughter ] charlie sheen, everybody. this is great. thank you. i just saw this. a restaurant in london has started serving aged steaks infused with collagen. that's right. they are serving old pieces of meat infused with collagen or as bravo calls that, "the real housewives of beverly hills." [ laughter ] ♪ you guys saw it coming but still gave me the love. i appreciate that. >> steve: that's america. >> jimmy: you guys are awesome, and i love it. >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: great crowd. [ cheers and applause ] i love it. that's the fun of it. that's the fun of the show. i'm not sure what to make of this, you guys. it is rumored that lindsay lohan and her mom dina are opening a clothing and jewelry boutique. [ laughter ] yeah. the boutique is located on the inside of lindsay lohan's overcoat. [ laughter ] "what are you looking for? a watch?" this is interesting. there are big rumors going around that brett favre will be on next season's "dancing with the stars," which explains why today i saw him shopping for a pair of tights and a cucumber. [ au
we're in the middle of a game." [ laughter ] charlie sheen, everybody. this is great. thank you. i just saw this. a restaurant in london has started serving aged steaks infused with collagen. that's right. they are serving old pieces of meat infused with collagen or as bravo calls that, "the real housewives of beverly hills." [ laughter ] ♪ you guys saw it coming but still gave me the love. i appreciate that. >> steve: that's america. >> jimmy: you guys are awesome,...
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Feb 12, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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i heard that charlie sheen is paying the "two and a half men" crew's salary while he's in rehab. [ light laughter ] it just goes to show, right, despite all the scandal and the drugs, at the end of the day, he's actually a very rich guy. [ laughter and applause ] and get this, charlie sheen's estranged wife brooke mueller is reportedly in talks to go on "dancing with the stars." yeah, even charlie was like, "yikes, embarrassing." [ laughter ] whateve. whateve. hey, facebook celebrated its seventh birthday today, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. cool. i have to be honest, though, i only remembered its birthday, because i saw it on facebook. [ light laughter ] this is cool. senator joe lieberman is busy writing a new book about the jewish sabbath called "gift of rest." yeah, i hear he's been working on it, 24/6. [ laughter ] here's some "jersey shore" news. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ "jersey shore" news. on last night's episode, ronni had to go to the doctor for a rectal exam. [ laughter ] which is weird, 'cause i thought sammy was the one with the stick up her butt. oh, no, i didn
i heard that charlie sheen is paying the "two and a half men" crew's salary while he's in rehab. [ light laughter ] it just goes to show, right, despite all the scandal and the drugs, at the end of the day, he's actually a very rich guy. [ laughter and applause ] and get this, charlie sheen's estranged wife brooke mueller is reportedly in talks to go on "dancing with the stars." yeah, even charlie was like, "yikes, embarrassing." [ laughter ] whateve. whateve. hey,...
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apparently, charlie sheen started a war in egypt by doing coke with the cast of "skins." [ laughter ] you see this? taco bell is being sued for failing to meet the minimum requirements of acceptable ground beef. [ laughter ] but you can tell, they have addressed the issue by their new slogan, "taco bell, we now meet the minimum requirements of acceptable ground beef." [ laughter ] what is going on with the world? >> steve: yeah, america. >> jimmy: "yeah, that's barely acceptable. we'll take it." >> steve: "but it's acceptable." >> jimmy: "but it's good, yeah." [ laughter ] this isn't good. the northeast is supposed to get another big snowstorm this week on groundhog day. [ audience boos ] on groundhog day. at this point, even the groundhog is like, "dude, i'm staying in and watching a 'teen mom' marathon. just figure it out. [ laughter ] i don't even want to be bothered by this one." everyone's talking about this. cbs is putting the highly-rated show "two and a half men" on hiatus until charlie sheen finishes rehab. which is why, today, nbc sent him three "get well" porn stars and a s
apparently, charlie sheen started a war in egypt by doing coke with the cast of "skins." [ laughter ] you see this? taco bell is being sued for failing to meet the minimum requirements of acceptable ground beef. [ laughter ] but you can tell, they have addressed the issue by their new slogan, "taco bell, we now meet the minimum requirements of acceptable ground beef." [ laughter ] what is going on with the world? >> steve: yeah, america. >> jimmy: "yeah,...
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Feb 23, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i look like charlie sheen! [ light laughter ] >> you've been hitting the weight room, huh? >> jimmy: look like charlie sheen. yeah. [ light laughter ] came from a hotel. >> uh-oh. i see you trying to go down the line. >> jimmy: two outs? i need one dinger to tie you. come on! [ audience aws ] three outs! i lost. oh, my gosh. [ sad tuba ] the champ, you guys, the champ right here. joe mauer! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ "mlb '11: the show" is in stores march 8th. oh, my god. you beat me by a homer. >> oh, boy. >> jimmy: joe mauer, everybody. drive-by truckers performs next! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] when it comes to keeping small spaces fresh cones can dry out quickly. and sprays can be a bit much. that's why there's the set & refresh from febreze. unlike others, it's the only air freshener of its kind designed for small spaces. with 100% scented oils that eliminate odors for 30 days. for freshness from start to finish. the small space odor solution that's a breath of fresh ai
there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i look like charlie sheen! [ light laughter ] >> you've been hitting the weight room, huh? >> jimmy: look like charlie sheen. yeah. [ light laughter ] came from a hotel. >> uh-oh. i see you trying to go down the line. >> jimmy: two outs? i need one dinger to tie you. come on! [ audience aws ] three outs! i lost. oh, my gosh. [ sad tuba ] the champ, you guys, the champ right here. joe mauer! [ cheers and applause ] ♪...
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Feb 16, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i look like charlie sheen! [ light laughter ] >> you've been hitting the weight room, huh? >> jimmy: look like charlie sheen. yeah. [ light laughter ] came from a hotel. >> uh-oh. i see you trying to go down the line. >> jimmy: two outs? i need one dinger to tie you. come on! [ audience aws ] three outs! i lost. oh, my gosh. [ sad tuba ] the champ, you guys, the champ right here. joe mauer! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ "mlb '11: the show" is in stores march 8th. oh, my god. you beat me by a homer. >> oh, boy. >> jimmy: joe mauer, everybody. drive-by truckers performs next! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] to get fresh-baked rich, indulgent chocolaty brownies you don't have to open your oven... just the refrigerator. ready-to-eat pillsbury sweet moments. find them in the refrigerated section of your store. with cinnabon cinnamon have such a sweet and delicious aroma that my family can't wait to get their hands on them. enjoy cinnabon cinnamon... now in all pillsbury cinnamon rolls. â
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Feb 16, 2011
02/11
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. >> audience member: charlie sheen! >> audience member: charlie daniels! >> jimmy: who -- who is it? >> larry david, "curb your enthusiasm." [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: it was larry david. >> notice the subtle -- the subtle nuances with the hands. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. that's very good. walking impression. >> are you ready. >> audience member: john wayne! >> jimmy: george burns. >> audience member: ronald reagan. >> letterman. >> jimmy: oh, david letterman. >> yeah. yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: that is -- that is -- that's letterman. yeah, yeah. >> there's something going on -- when he's kind of -- >> jimmy: and he is always chewing on something, and he's waving as he's walking. >> these are all good. these are all good, by the way. [ laughter ] okay. all right. last one. are you ready? >> jimmy: yeah. >> this is a tough one. this is -- nobody is going to get this. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, man. >> audience member: ellen degeneres. >> christopher walken walkin'. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] that is a deep cut. that is a deep cut. i l
. >> audience member: charlie sheen! >> audience member: charlie daniels! >> jimmy: who -- who is it? >> larry david, "curb your enthusiasm." [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: it was larry david. >> notice the subtle -- the subtle nuances with the hands. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. that's very good. walking impression. >> are you ready. >> audience member: john wayne! >> jimmy: george burns. >> audience member: ronald...
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con, charlie sheen started three months ago. [ laughter ] he loves the super bowl. >> steve: yeah, he loves the super bowl. >> jimmy: he has a major -- >> steve: he loves it! >> jimmy: "what time is it?" "it starts now, man. let's go." [ laughter ] pro, there's enough cocktail wieners for everybody. con, if you run out, brett favre can sext you one more. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] technology is amazing. >> steve: amazing. >> jimmy: pro, uncle gary brought his thundersticks to cheer on the packers. con, aunt mary brought her thunder thighs to take up half the couch. [ laughter ] guess i won't be sitting down during the game. pro, watching the black eyed peas perform during the super bowl halftime show. con, watching grandma try to dance to "my humps." [ laughter ] "don't dance, grandma." pro, traditional super bowl party foods are very rich and high in fat. con, just like john madden. [ laughter ] is he not rich? is he not rich? >> steve: he's rich. he's very wealthy. i would think from "madden football" alone, from that video game. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, the guacamole is here!
con, charlie sheen started three months ago. [ laughter ] he loves the super bowl. >> steve: yeah, he loves the super bowl. >> jimmy: he has a major -- >> steve: he loves it! >> jimmy: "what time is it?" "it starts now, man. let's go." [ laughter ] pro, there's enough cocktail wieners for everybody. con, if you run out, brett favre can sext you one more. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] technology is amazing. >> steve: amazing. >> jimmy: pro,...
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Feb 10, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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when he heard this, charlie sheen was like, 'great, now i gotta think of a title for my book. this is ridiculous." ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: come on! that's my man, jakob dylan, right there, sitting in with the roots! one of my faves. got a new record out here -- "women and country." new record here, and he's also playing on the big neil young tribute this thursday night at carnegie hall alongside some great artists, including cowboy junkies. and our very own roots. they're going to be there, too, as well. going to be a fun time. [ cheers and applause ] jakob, thanks for being here, buddy. come back whenever you want, my friend. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. he says, "okay." we've got a great show tonight, you guys. the academy award nominee for the great movie "the kids are all right," the lovely annette bening is here! [ cheers and applause ]- she's amazing. a great, great stand up and, man, a breakout star in this movie. he almost steals the movie -- in the new adam sandler movie "just go with it." nick s
when he heard this, charlie sheen was like, 'great, now i gotta think of a title for my book. this is ridiculous." ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: come on! that's my man, jakob dylan, right there, sitting in with the roots! one of my faves. got a new record out here -- "women and country." new record here, and he's also playing on the big neil young tribute this thursday night at carnegie hall alongside some...
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Feb 16, 2011
02/11
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KNTV
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there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i look like charlie sheen! [ light laughter ] >> you've been hitting the weight room, huh? >> jimmy: look like charlie sheen. yeah. [ light laughter ] came from a hotel. >> uh-oh. i see you trying to go down the line. >> jimmy: two outs? i need one dinger to tie you. come on! [ audience aws ] three outs! i lost. oh, my gosh. [ sad tuba ] the champ, you guys, the champ right here. joe mauer! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ "mlb '11: the show" is in stores march 8th. oh, my god. you beat me by a homer. >> oh, boy. >> jimmy: joe mauer, everybody. drive-by truckers performs next! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a fun, fun show coming up tomorrow night. a talented actor and a great guy, forest whitaker is going to be here. [ cheers and applause ] from the new film "big mommas: like father, like son" brandon t. jackson will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] i like that new martin movie. our friend and internet star, felicia day will be stopping by. [ scattered cheers ]
there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i look like charlie sheen! [ light laughter ] >> you've been hitting the weight room, huh? >> jimmy: look like charlie sheen. yeah. [ light laughter ] came from a hotel. >> uh-oh. i see you trying to go down the line. >> jimmy: two outs? i need one dinger to tie you. come on! [ audience aws ] three outs! i lost. oh, my gosh. [ sad tuba ] the champ, you guys, the champ right here. joe mauer! [ cheers and applause ] ♪...
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Feb 23, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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eye 118
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sheen is always like, "please, call me charles." [ laughter and applause ] i'm not sure what to -- what are you laughing at, james? [ laughter ] [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: he gets more ass. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. i know. i know, i know, i know. i'm not sure what to make of this, you guys. a russian airline is hiring clowns, actors, and musicians to entertain passengers during flights. yeah, 'cause when i'm on a stuffy plane with babies crying and people complaining, my first thought is always, "there should be clowns here." [ laughter ] that would just be fantastic. this is interesting here, you guys. a recent study found that men who go bald in their early 20s have an increased risk of developing prostate cancer. so i guess going bald in your 20s isn't as great as you thought. [ laughter ] [ scattered cheers ] >> i love you jimmy! >> jimmy: i love you, too. [ light laughter ] you get one of those after every joke. >> steve: yeah, exactly. it's called a win-win. >> jimmy: it's -- it's a lovely crowd. >> i love you! >> steve: oh, there you go. all right. hey >> j
sheen is always like, "please, call me charles." [ laughter and applause ] i'm not sure what to -- what are you laughing at, james? [ laughter ] [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: he gets more ass. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. i know. i know, i know, i know. i'm not sure what to make of this, you guys. a russian airline is hiring clowns, actors, and musicians to entertain passengers during flights. yeah, 'cause when i'm on a stuffy plane with babies crying...
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Feb 15, 2011
02/11
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WRC
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sheens. it does sound weird when you don't say "charlie" in front of it. >> steve: yeah, yeah. sheens. i've heard about it differently -- >> jimmy: sheens. i don't know if you saw this -- during his interview with president obama last night, bill o'reilly asked him to explain how he deals with so many people hating him. in response, obama was like, "you first." [ laughter ] standoff. hey, check this out. a new study found that 25% of prostitutes use facebook to solicit clients. yeah. the other 75% just do it the old-fashioned way, craigslist. [ light laughter ] [ one person cheers loud ] [ laughter ] somebody just made some money right there. [ laughter and applause ] please turn your phones off! no mobile craigslisting while you're here at the show. this is insane, you guys. an alligator farm in florida just installed a zip line so that visitors can ride above the alligator tanks. [ laughter ] that's nice. it's like the alligator version of those sushi bars with the conveyor belts. it's like, "not that one, not that one, no. oh, yeah, that fat guy. yeah, drop him, let him go.
sheens. it does sound weird when you don't say "charlie" in front of it. >> steve: yeah, yeah. sheens. i've heard about it differently -- >> jimmy: sheens. i don't know if you saw this -- during his interview with president obama last night, bill o'reilly asked him to explain how he deals with so many people hating him. in response, obama was like, "you first." [ laughter ] standoff. hey, check this out. a new study found that 25% of prostitutes use facebook to...